Can we be real for a moment? I mean really real. Real like a bug's guts being splattered over your windshield because, your car and it suddenly collided. Real like, learning your mom was right about just about everything that really mattered and wrong about things like your face freezing. Real like how ligers are real but Charlie the Unicorn is not. Let's be real just for a moment.
......
OK moment over now back to the wonderful thing we call life.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
I will survive
I am almost certain I am not to be married, I am to be single it is who I am. I am not your typical girl I don't think about what I want for a wedding. Mind you this revelation of singleness, comes the day after one of my closes friends gets married, and the week of Single Awareness day. I would like to think that those two facts in combination with multiple other trivial details add up to me feeling like I will be alone forever, but I don't really think that is the case.
The world in general promotes an anti-single place, in fact most places do the church, gyms, adverting. 2-for-1 deals, buy one get one free, come stay with us and a friend stays free. Blah, blah, blah.
I know this is all starting to sound very bitter, but really it's not. I just decided the path I am going to take. I am not saying I won't ever get down when I see couple together, or the next time I decide to go out alone, but I am going to rise above it. I have never been in love, or in a relationship for that matter, so like many things I don't know what I am missing.
Case in point I had my first drink when I was 25, I believe I am better for it. I don't just get drunk I don't drink just to drink. When I have a drink or two I enjoy them but keep my senses. I know people who are my age and older who get "wasted" an a regular bases. Why do I need to? Now don't get me wrong there have been time when I have said screw it I am getting sloshed, according to my friends I don't get anywhere near bad, and I am fine with that. It amazes me for the longest time, before and then a bit after I started drinking, people couldn't tell if I was drunk or not, because I am who I am no questions asked.
I am who I am know questions asked. (to steal from a plethora of song lyrics)I am my daddy's girl, my hero is my mom, I like to drive fast, I like to paint my fingernails black, I was born to fly, I am a daughter that my father has been good to, I am the spitting image of my mother, I am a good little girl, I like whiskey, I like wine, I like to drive with no place in mind, I want to grow something wild, I want to dance.
I am done trying to find someone, I am done. I have told people I am looking but guess what I am not anymore. I am going to have times when I cry when I yearn for someone to hold me, but I am not going to let it get the best of me. Stop looking for people for me I am not that girl. I am the stable one the one that people come to for relationship advice even though I have never been in one. Let me have my down moments but don't let me wallow in them. Don't tell me how great guys are or how big of a jackass men are, I know there are both out there, but I know I am to have neither. I am OK with that. I am OK going to the movies alone I am OK going out to eat alone, I am OK living alone, what I am not OK with is you having pity on me. Make it a joke laugh it up. At the some time don't tell me "it's ok not to marry" in that tonw, you know the one. I know it is ok not to marry, don't tell me you miss being single and that I won't know what I am missing until it is gone. I get I am OK with it all, but don't help me to build up a wall around my heart full of bitterness. Let me be who I am don't try to set me up, don't try to change me.
The world in general promotes an anti-single place, in fact most places do the church, gyms, adverting. 2-for-1 deals, buy one get one free, come stay with us and a friend stays free. Blah, blah, blah.
I know this is all starting to sound very bitter, but really it's not. I just decided the path I am going to take. I am not saying I won't ever get down when I see couple together, or the next time I decide to go out alone, but I am going to rise above it. I have never been in love, or in a relationship for that matter, so like many things I don't know what I am missing.
Case in point I had my first drink when I was 25, I believe I am better for it. I don't just get drunk I don't drink just to drink. When I have a drink or two I enjoy them but keep my senses. I know people who are my age and older who get "wasted" an a regular bases. Why do I need to? Now don't get me wrong there have been time when I have said screw it I am getting sloshed, according to my friends I don't get anywhere near bad, and I am fine with that. It amazes me for the longest time, before and then a bit after I started drinking, people couldn't tell if I was drunk or not, because I am who I am no questions asked.
I am who I am know questions asked. (to steal from a plethora of song lyrics)I am my daddy's girl, my hero is my mom, I like to drive fast, I like to paint my fingernails black, I was born to fly, I am a daughter that my father has been good to, I am the spitting image of my mother, I am a good little girl, I like whiskey, I like wine, I like to drive with no place in mind, I want to grow something wild, I want to dance.
I am done trying to find someone, I am done. I have told people I am looking but guess what I am not anymore. I am going to have times when I cry when I yearn for someone to hold me, but I am not going to let it get the best of me. Stop looking for people for me I am not that girl. I am the stable one the one that people come to for relationship advice even though I have never been in one. Let me have my down moments but don't let me wallow in them. Don't tell me how great guys are or how big of a jackass men are, I know there are both out there, but I know I am to have neither. I am OK with that. I am OK going to the movies alone I am OK going out to eat alone, I am OK living alone, what I am not OK with is you having pity on me. Make it a joke laugh it up. At the some time don't tell me "it's ok not to marry" in that tonw, you know the one. I know it is ok not to marry, don't tell me you miss being single and that I won't know what I am missing until it is gone. I get I am OK with it all, but don't help me to build up a wall around my heart full of bitterness. Let me be who I am don't try to set me up, don't try to change me.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
All life must come to an end
We had my aunts funeral yesterday. She was far more than an aunt to me. She was my mom, sister, and friend. It took me some time to convince her she was even just my aunt let alone the rest. We would go shopping and the store clerk would ask "is this your daughter" my aunt would respond " no she is my husbands niece" I would say "I am HER niece" Finally we ened up just saying, "close enough" whenever anyone ask if we were mom and daughter.
I remember when my Uncle and her first got together, it was "wrong" for us to like her, because "they were living in sin". You couldn't help but like her let alone love her. Once they "became honest" we were free to like her. (strange how "Christians" rationalize things).
After my own mother died my aunt was one of various women to step up and take her place. She was one of the few of these said women that truly knew my heart. I was allowed to be me the me my mother had helped me to become. I could be a kid, I could be an adult, I could laugh, I could cry, I could be silly I could be wise, I could be me.
I will miss her but like my own mother I know she is in no more pain. She doesn't have to put an a mask, she can run she can jump she can laugh. I know that my mother and her both are up in heaven with so many others looking down on me, saying, "That's my girl."
I remember when my Uncle and her first got together, it was "wrong" for us to like her, because "they were living in sin". You couldn't help but like her let alone love her. Once they "became honest" we were free to like her. (strange how "Christians" rationalize things).
After my own mother died my aunt was one of various women to step up and take her place. She was one of the few of these said women that truly knew my heart. I was allowed to be me the me my mother had helped me to become. I could be a kid, I could be an adult, I could laugh, I could cry, I could be silly I could be wise, I could be me.
I will miss her but like my own mother I know she is in no more pain. She doesn't have to put an a mask, she can run she can jump she can laugh. I know that my mother and her both are up in heaven with so many others looking down on me, saying, "That's my girl."
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