I will survive

I am almost certain I am not to be married, I am to be single it is who I am. I am not your typical girl I don't think about what I want for a wedding. Mind you this revelation of singleness, comes the day after one of my closes friends gets married, and the week of Single Awareness day. I would like to think that those two facts in combination with multiple other trivial details add up to me feeling like I will be alone forever, but I don't really think that is the case.

The world in general promotes an anti-single place, in fact most places do the church, gyms, adverting. 2-for-1 deals, buy one get one free, come stay with us and a friend stays free. Blah, blah, blah.

I know this is all starting to sound very bitter, but really it's not. I just decided the path I am going to take. I am not saying I won't ever get down when I see couple together, or the next time I decide to go out alone, but I am going to rise above it. I have never been in love, or in a relationship for that matter, so like many things I don't know what I am missing.

Case in point I had my first drink when I was 25, I believe I am better for it. I don't just get drunk I don't drink just to drink. When I have a drink or two I enjoy them but keep my senses. I know people who are my age and older who get "wasted" an a regular bases. Why do I need to? Now don't get me wrong there have been time when I have said screw it I am getting sloshed, according to my friends I don't get anywhere near bad, and I am fine with that. It amazes me for the longest time, before and then a bit after I started drinking, people couldn't tell if I was drunk or not, because I am who I am no questions asked.

I am who I am know questions asked. (to steal from a plethora of song lyrics)I am my daddy's girl, my hero is my mom, I like to drive fast, I like to paint my fingernails black, I was born to fly, I am a daughter that my father has been good to, I am the spitting image of my mother, I am a good little girl, I like whiskey, I like wine, I like to drive with no place in mind, I want to grow something wild, I want to dance.

I am done trying to find someone, I am done. I have told people I am looking but guess what I am not anymore. I am going to have times when I cry when I yearn for someone to hold me, but I am not going to let it get the best of me. Stop looking for people for me I am not that girl. I am the stable one the one that people come to for relationship advice even though I have never been in one. Let me have my down moments but don't let me wallow in them. Don't tell me how great guys are or how big of a jackass men are, I know there are both out there, but I know I am to have neither. I am OK with that. I am OK going to the movies alone I am OK going out to eat alone, I am OK living alone, what I am not OK with is you having pity on me. Make it a joke laugh it up. At the some time don't tell me "it's ok not to marry" in that tonw, you know the one. I know it is ok not to marry, don't tell me you miss being single and that I won't know what I am missing until it is gone. I get I am OK with it all, but don't help me to build up a wall around my heart full of bitterness. Let me be who I am don't try to set me up, don't try to change me.