Amazing Women

They are all around. In fact all women are amazing. Today though I am reminded of the many who have come into my life, impacted me and are now wrecking havoc in heaven.

MOM-

She kinda started it all for me. We fought, we cried , we laughed. Oh how we laughed. We would laugh until we couldn't breathe and keep right on laughing. I got my amazing looks from her! Learned that no matter the the time spent apart from someone or the mile between, once they are your friend they are your friend for life. My hero nurse.

NANA-

Soft spoken. Always prepared for adventure. A giver of all she had, time, money, love. Wouldn't stay still for long. A survivor. The closest thing to Mother Teresa in my life. All five foot plus and she was a giant.

GREAT GRANDMA VINCENT-

I was blessed to know her. Fun loving. laughter. Full of spunk. If it hadn't been for her I might not even be here. Thanks for falling over and forcing dad to rescue you and inevitably end up meeting your granddaughter : )

GRANDMA DORIS-

You just got to laugh. It takes all kinds to make the world go round. I remember waking up early at her house and find her reading her Bible and praying every morning. She knew my favorite story was Zacchaeus and know matter how many times I read it she would teach me a different lesson every time. We may not have seen eye to eye on a lot of things, but she was an amazing woman of God.

AUNT CINDY-

I took her some getting used to being called aunt, but I would have it no other way. She was one of the women who filled the mom hole for me. She was a friend, a mom, and an aunt. She helped me become an adult.

PATTI D-

Helped me to see nursing is not just a job. Got the best nursing advice from her. "Ever morning I pray Lord protect me as I protect and care for these patients." it hasn't failed me yet. Another Hero Nurse.

CAROLYN W-

She did much with the little she had.

MARGE F-

What a women, can't say much more than that. She always said that, "Jesus loves everybody, but he loves me most. " Pretty sure that is true.

All amazing women whom I am blessed to have know, be it only for a season. They are all gone, but not forgotten.

So...

yeah that's about it.

: )

My Golden Birthday

It happens once in a life time. It is supposed to be your lucky birthday, your star birthday, your golden birthday. It can happen any year up until you are 31, but it only happens once. Mine hit last week, and this week I am celebrating. YEAH!! Don't get me wrong I am excited, and wow here come a new decade, I wasn't really into the last one. Things are changing, am I?
Looking back I like what I see, there are a few bumps in the road I wish had never happened, but hey they made me who I am . I have come to realize I am a introvert that hangs with extroverts. I would rather, stay home on my days off and do nothing rather then go out. That being said I love people I love getting to know them and helping them. I give my all when I am at work, I give my all when I am with those I love and care about, I even give my all to complete strangers. But when it come to me I would rather not in fact I would rather others not either.
so I planned my 30th birthday party, it's happening tonight, I am looking forward to it, not because it's all about me. I am looking forward to it so, hopefully, a group of amazing people can meet and connect. When all is said and done I would really just rather get all these people together and then quietly sneak out the back door. Honestly, no joke. People say "Thar's so mean, how could you. " I would rather watch this group of amazing people interact and get to know each other, as a fly on the wall, then as one of them.
There is even part of me that hopes that prince charming will show tonight...
Did I mention I'm still single : )

Real

Can we be real for a moment? I mean really real. Real like a bug's guts being splattered over your windshield because, your car and it suddenly collided. Real like, learning your mom was right about just about everything that really mattered and wrong about things like your face freezing. Real like how ligers are real but Charlie the Unicorn is not. Let's be real just for a moment.

......

OK moment over now back to the wonderful thing we call life.

I will survive

I am almost certain I am not to be married, I am to be single it is who I am. I am not your typical girl I don't think about what I want for a wedding. Mind you this revelation of singleness, comes the day after one of my closes friends gets married, and the week of Single Awareness day. I would like to think that those two facts in combination with multiple other trivial details add up to me feeling like I will be alone forever, but I don't really think that is the case.

The world in general promotes an anti-single place, in fact most places do the church, gyms, adverting. 2-for-1 deals, buy one get one free, come stay with us and a friend stays free. Blah, blah, blah.

I know this is all starting to sound very bitter, but really it's not. I just decided the path I am going to take. I am not saying I won't ever get down when I see couple together, or the next time I decide to go out alone, but I am going to rise above it. I have never been in love, or in a relationship for that matter, so like many things I don't know what I am missing.

Case in point I had my first drink when I was 25, I believe I am better for it. I don't just get drunk I don't drink just to drink. When I have a drink or two I enjoy them but keep my senses. I know people who are my age and older who get "wasted" an a regular bases. Why do I need to? Now don't get me wrong there have been time when I have said screw it I am getting sloshed, according to my friends I don't get anywhere near bad, and I am fine with that. It amazes me for the longest time, before and then a bit after I started drinking, people couldn't tell if I was drunk or not, because I am who I am no questions asked.

I am who I am know questions asked. (to steal from a plethora of song lyrics)I am my daddy's girl, my hero is my mom, I like to drive fast, I like to paint my fingernails black, I was born to fly, I am a daughter that my father has been good to, I am the spitting image of my mother, I am a good little girl, I like whiskey, I like wine, I like to drive with no place in mind, I want to grow something wild, I want to dance.

I am done trying to find someone, I am done. I have told people I am looking but guess what I am not anymore. I am going to have times when I cry when I yearn for someone to hold me, but I am not going to let it get the best of me. Stop looking for people for me I am not that girl. I am the stable one the one that people come to for relationship advice even though I have never been in one. Let me have my down moments but don't let me wallow in them. Don't tell me how great guys are or how big of a jackass men are, I know there are both out there, but I know I am to have neither. I am OK with that. I am OK going to the movies alone I am OK going out to eat alone, I am OK living alone, what I am not OK with is you having pity on me. Make it a joke laugh it up. At the some time don't tell me "it's ok not to marry" in that tonw, you know the one. I know it is ok not to marry, don't tell me you miss being single and that I won't know what I am missing until it is gone. I get I am OK with it all, but don't help me to build up a wall around my heart full of bitterness. Let me be who I am don't try to set me up, don't try to change me.

All life must come to an end

We had my aunts funeral yesterday. She was far more than an aunt to me. She was my mom, sister, and friend. It took me some time to convince her she was even just my aunt let alone the rest. We would go shopping and the store clerk would ask "is this your daughter" my aunt would respond " no she is my husbands niece" I would say "I am HER niece" Finally we ened up just saying, "close enough" whenever anyone ask if we were mom and daughter.
I remember when my Uncle and her first got together, it was "wrong" for us to like her, because "they were living in sin". You couldn't help but like her let alone love her. Once they "became honest" we were free to like her. (strange how "Christians" rationalize things).
After my own mother died my aunt was one of various women to step up and take her place. She was one of the few of these said women that truly knew my heart. I was allowed to be me the me my mother had helped me to become. I could be a kid, I could be an adult, I could laugh, I could cry, I could be silly I could be wise, I could be me.
I will miss her but like my own mother I know she is in no more pain. She doesn't have to put an a mask, she can run she can jump she can laugh. I know that my mother and her both are up in heaven with so many others looking down on me, saying, "That's my girl."

Ring in the new year.

As another year ends and we are on the cusp of a new year...2009. A year full of possibilities and expectations. I ponder, what is to come? Will this be the year? Should I even hope?
I am a bit depressed, depressed might be a bit extreme, but let's face it. I am tired of being a totally awesome, great looking, fun loving, mature woman who also is hopelessly single. I know your saying now wait if all that is so true then how is that possible, beats the hell out of me too.
In the past week I have had more then my share of strangers, who after meeting me and talking to me find it "hard to believe" I'm still single. I also know that complete strangers shouldn't hold much weight, but I also get the same from people that know me (not those that are family or close to it, you know the ones that have to say that sort of thing) you know friends and co-workers. When it comes from them it's almost like turning the knife.
Now don't get me wrong I know if I did "have someone" a lot of things would change, I WANT CHANGE.
The best (or worst) is the eharmony promo stuff. Apparently when you get a match during the holidays the send you stuff like. Come out of the cold with...., don't spend the holidays alone spend it with..., try something new in 2009... OMG, really.
I say all this to say, here to 2009 a year of possibilities.